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I want to forgot about you !

I want to forget about you. I am scared. It scares the hell out of me, because I love you and when I see you, it brings up terrifying turmoil. I would like to feel rested, calm, structured, but every time I am in this state of mind, I spend my time:

Bump into people we both know. Just by coincidence, all of a sudden everybody I pass or contacts me know you.

Meet people who bear similarities with you, physical or else.

See the name of your business everywhere.

Anyway, I feel chased… everything brings me back to you. 

This phenomenon is called synchronicity. For instance, this evening, I want to forget about you, I can bet you that a synchronicity will take place. 

Here is the copy of an e-mail that I sent you some time ago. (names have been changed). I publish it in order to help other.

 

“I have noticed that when I try to forget you, it comes back like a boomerang.

Synchronicities, meetings, fluke.

Again today, Valerie who sheepishly tells me that she planted the thyme cutting and that a bulldozer went over it.

That she would love to ask you for another one.

My cartesian mind does not understand. It’s incredible.

My friend is adamant that we are in a twin flame process. She spends her time joining me on Facebook groups relating to that (each time, I quickly take my name off). It’s something that, to me, is not cartesian at all, not to say crazy. She insists that I am the runner. (as, even though I write to you a lot, I do everything to run away. I am so scared, I can’t stop it, it’s above me) while you are in control.  

Think of the gift situation… rubbish. Especially that I really want you to feel nurtured and surrounded. This present must have been prepared with lot of passion and must have taken hours. But I did everything to push you to the limit, because I panic. 

Anyway, what I like in what she says, is that it comes from the heart, that is indescribable and that it is impossible to cut the link and that the couple are often married to other people. That they can’t stand to cause pain to their circle and that they are quite happy to live like that, without being physical and deception. That they are very different. That the runner always understands long after the chaser, which in my case is correct. By the way, you have been able to witness the evolution as I am communicative. 

Anyway, this unlikely explication makes sense when I analyse it, even though the concept itself doesn’t suit me.   

In short, just by writing this, it suits me as I am able to put a concept (strange and wacky no doubt) on a feeling I do not understand. So, I can put it in a box (remember, I like logic) and that reassures me a bit (well except the concept). I think I am going to move forward and so will you. 

You are going to think that I am weird but I don’t really care. The main thing for me is to move forward one way or another with the sun in my heart and fearless. 

Take care, god be with you and brightens your day. 

Maryam Yan  15th February 2018

 

  

Image par pasja1000 de Pixabay

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